Faith Seeking Understanding?

Phillip Yancy recently wrote of the influence of C. S. Lewis on his writing.

Lewis has taught me a style of approach that I try to follow in my own writings. To quote William James, "… in the metaphysical and religious sphere, articulate reasons are cogent for us only when our inarticulate feelings of reality have already been impressed in favor of the same conclusion." In other words, we rarely accept a logical argument unless it fits an intuitive sense of reality. . . . Lewis himself converted to Christianity only after sensing that it corresponded to his deepest longings, his Sehnsucht.

This faith seeking understanding almost sounds like a search for justification of a prior commitment, not true reason. And yet I too had a run in with God only to later ask, "Who exactly is this God? What justification do I have of my experience? Is the object of my encounter really God or was it just the pizza I had last night? If it was God, which God? Shiva? Allah? Jesus?" Can one be intellectually responsible in their belief, or is it only self-justification?

Professor John Cottingham of the University of Reading insists

just as the detached scrutiny that is appropriate for science will not work in personal relationships, so in the religious domain we can often be blocked from grasping the salient features unless a certain degree of receptivity and openness is already present.

He advocates active engagement, even prior to understanding. He continues

But this recurring emphasis on the priority of practice does not imply that the religious outlook can dispense with rational argumentation and critical discussion. . . a further crucial part of our task has been concerned with integration

the thinking through of the problem of evil, whether the content of faith constitutes a genuine moral system, weighing other possible candidates for truth, showing oneself not to be irresponsible or irrational, etc. (The Spiritual Dimension, pp. 150ff).

So in this view, I'm expected to seek understanding rigorously and not merely justify my feeling regardless how dear that encounter may be. So I have a certain epestimic responsibility to discern the difference between the pizza and Jesus.